If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
