My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
