Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
