You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
How does one acquire holy water?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
