He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
