at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
