Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
