of course. lets lasso hookers.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
