Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
