There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
