one might say we're banned from that church
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
