Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
