We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
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