mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
