i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
