I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Your cock deserves a montage
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
