so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
