he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
