She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
