I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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