he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
