it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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