Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
