Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
