WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
