I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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