Having a random hookup so left but love u
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
