he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
