just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
