I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
