Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
