I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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