I am puke
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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