they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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