So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
