Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
