I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
