You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
