My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
