Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize