it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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