I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
