I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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