I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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