i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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