fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
