Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
