Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
