Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize