we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
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