I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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