Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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