I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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