just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
