Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
