A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
