I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
