I smell stomach acid.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
