Well apparently he's into motor boating.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
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