I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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