I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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