Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
