Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
