This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
