FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
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