get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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