my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize