Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
