i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
