haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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