I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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